When Dad Became Mom
C'est La Vie

When Dad Became Mom

Role reversals when a pet adopts a parent. For over 11 years, we had a neurotic Dalmatian, Prince, who disliked people. He snapped at almost everyone, and bit those who made him particularly nervous. Whenever we took him out, children, drivers and watchmen in the building would say, “Hey bhagwan, yeh to danger wala hai (Oh god, this is the dangerous one)” and hurriedly move away. I used to think how nice it would be if we had a dog who loved people. And then we got Zak, our Labrador. Zak adores the human race. Yet, when we take him downstairs, everyone says, “Hey bhagwan, yeh to masti wala hai (Oh god, this is the mischievous one).” They hurriedly move out of the way as he tries to hurl himself into their arms and kiss them on the lips. Even the other dogs in the building don’t play with him. […]

January 13, 2013 0 Comments
It’s a main, it’s a side, it’s Brinjal
C'est La Vie

It’s a main, it’s a side, it’s Brinjal

The happily-ever-after formula at the dining table. Being a creature of habit, I still use the original plug point and spend many an evening guarding my precious computer from man and beast. Rajat bhai and my husband faithfully replicated all the flaws in the old flat as if their sense of well-being depended on that. It reminded me of the joke about the man who married a second time and no matter what wonderful things his second wife served him at breakfast, he would shake his head mournfully and say, “Not like what my first wife made”. Accidentally one day, she burnt the toast and ruined the coffee. Her husband beamed and said, “Exactly like my first wife made it”. I used to feed my daughter watery rasam and squishy rice with my hand, which prompted my usually taciturn father-in-law to offer me a spoon and at the same time […]

December 23, 2012 0 Comments
Que Sera Sera
C'est La Vie

Que Sera Sera

Where would one go shopping for strength of the human spirit? The late Ramesh Balsekar was a sought-after spiritual guru who I met by accident (though he would aver that nothing is by accident – it was all meant to happen). My former boss gave me a pile of Balsekar’s books to read and suggested that I put aside my scepticism and meet him at least once. Since the boss usually did a good job of broadening my education, be it exploring the seamier side of Paris or learning not to agonise after sounding idiotic in a television sound bite, I went. Balsekar was past 80, an ex-banker with elfin humour. He was not fussed about people calling him “Ramesh”, told jokes and stories, and exhorted me to come for his morning satsang sessions which were filled with foreigners seeking spiritual bliss. “Come, it’s the best entertainment in town,” he […]

November 11, 2012 0 Comments
The Parent BPO
C'est La Vie

The Parent BPO

Power shifts in new-age parenting One day, the same person who sent me off to Balsekar, took my daughter and me to meet Gregory David Roberts, the author of the spellbinding book Shantaram. While there was a debate on how autobiographical the novel was, we knew that Roberts was once a drug addict, sentenced to 19 years imprisonment in Australia for robberies. Two years later, he escaped from a maximum-security prison in broad daylight, and was on the run for the next 10 years. He was eventually captured in Germany, extradited to Australia and served out the rest of his rigorous prison sentence. He said that he almost escaped prison again but decided to finish his sentence. Thinking about his “then” and “now” amazing life journey — now a best-selling author, comfortably living in a swish south Mumbai apartment, about to make a movie with Johnny Depp, being paid an […]

October 14, 2012 0 Comments
Two and a Haif Women
C'est La Vie

Two and a Haif Women

There are many twosomes that have made me nervous over the years. There are many twosomes that have made me nervous over the years – my mother and my husband discussing their world views, my invaluable household help and my bossy aunt cooking together in the kitchen, my mother and my secretary having a conversation about how I misplace things. But the most terrifying of all is my mother and my daughter discussing me. “Why don’t we wait? Your mama said she would be home for lunch early,” my mother would say. “Oh, she just says it, but she never comes on time,” is what my then seven-year-old would say dismissively. Grandma would agree and spice it up with a few telling tales from my past. The performance appraisal would then continue, moving on to other topics. There is no hiding from a little girl and her grandma discussing the […]

September 23, 2012 0 Comments
The Art of Home Tutor Maintenance
C'est La Vie

The Art of Home Tutor Maintenance

Tuition teachers are here to stay, as long as the cut-offs for college admissions escalate. And if it isn’t bad enough acceding to the non-negotiable rate per hour of the teachers, it’s worse to carry the guilt of not allowing children to have any free time at all, as you shunt, drag, coerce, cajole, and bribe them to go for tuition after tuition. I carried the guilt for a long time, well after the school years were over. Recently, after reading reactions to Amy Chua’s Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother about how such children had no social life and hence have underdeveloped personalities, I asked my daughter with trepidation whether tuitions damaged her social life in her adolescent years. “Are you kidding,” she laughed, “tuitions were social life”. And when I look back on group tuitions – different groups for different subjects – and the coke-sandwich comfort food consumed […]

September 9, 2012 0 Comments
Of Yellow Lines and Ponies
C'est La Vie

Of Yellow Lines and Ponies

When Chinese precision meets Indian flexibility on a journey to Kailash Mansarovar My trip to Kailash Mansarovar was flagged off by a wry, tongue-in-cheek comment from a dear friend about going all the way to pray in the Chinese language to Hindu gods. The trip had its share of spectacular personal highs, but it also had its fair share of interesting sidelights that make you think about the world you live in. Perhaps, such worldly reflections are as much the point of pilgrimages as the hope for a glimpse of divinity. I strongly recommend a visit of the Confederation of Indian Industry (CII) or equivalent senior delegation to Zhangmu on the China-Nepal border for a reality check. On the one side is laid-back human authority and on the other, just across a short bridge, envious, formidable, faceless efficiency, including insistence on straight lines. On our return, as we queued up […]

August 19, 2012 0 Comments
The Add-On Card
C'est La Vie

The Add-On Card

A new-age way for helicopter parents to track their children’s whereabouts The add-on credit card and the SMS that follows after it is used is one of the greatest new-age developments to delight helicopter parents. Offspring, who seldom answer cellphones, never fail to swipe their add-on credit cards. It is also a double-edged gift given by people who haven’t kicked the parental micromanaging habit, despite their children having moved out of home and into college dorms far away. “Comedy club at 2am? What is she thinking, who is her escort?” “Yes, I know I told him to buy any birthday gift he wanted using the add-on card, but at such an expensive shop? Must give him a lecture on brand illusion.” Add-on cards also help to keep tabs on hyperactive mothers. “Ratnadeep supermart at 9am on a Sunday, and so much stuff? Mom, are you having a party, didn’t the […]

June 24, 2012 0 Comments
Recipe Remembrances
C'est La Vie

Recipe Remembrances

Finding Light at the End of the Culinary Tunnel In the TV serial Kuch Tho Log Kahenge, Dr Nidhi is cooking her first meal in her sasuraal. She has arranged the cooking implements precisely, as if in an operation theatre and has definitively dismissed Ramu kaka, the elderly family retainer’s offers to assist. Suddenly she has a doubt. What should the exact temperature of the oil be for bhajiyas? Ramu kaka looks bewildered and says “bitiya, taapmaan to hum ne kabhi nahin dekha” (My dear, I’ve never checked the temperature). Of course the bhajiyas were a disaster. It was reassuring to know that times haven’t changed all that much and new brides, even if otherwise capable, still can’t cook; but it was heartening to note that they now guiltlessly find smart solutions and escape the annoying lifelong jokes about their early attempts at cooking. Dr Nidhi quietly ordered food in, from her father’s house. When I got married, […]

June 3, 2012 0 Comments
When the tables turn
C'est La Vie

When the tables turn

The bittersweet moments of role reversals in mother-daughter ties Please remember to switch off the lights as you leave, otherwise my electricity bill shoots up… and please don’t lose my house keys”, the just-started-working young lady said to her mother. The mother was indignant. She thought, “What about all the lights and fans you left on, all those growing up years; and all the milk you poured down the sink when you thought nobody was looking? And all those expensive tuition teachers you persuaded to leave early even though we were paying them by the hour?” But after she got the indignation out of her system, she thought with a gleam in her eye, “ab meri baari“. She had known early on in motherhood, that every 10 years or so, who embarrasses whom changes and power shifts. When her daughter was two, they took her with them to a fancy […]

April 22, 2012 0 Comments
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